the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
