considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
