Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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