apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
