I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
