I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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