Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
