Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
