If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
