it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
