ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
