She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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