Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
