I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
