There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
