I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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