please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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