she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
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just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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