Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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