Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
