I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
