you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.