remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan