Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
