i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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