she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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