I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
