Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
