she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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