I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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