The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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