8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
