All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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