She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
