i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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