Nicole vs. Life
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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