Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
