Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
