Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
even my farts smell like vagina
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
