my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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