dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
