So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
