Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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