Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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