No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You're like the curious george of whores
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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