i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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