And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
