i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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