if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
