If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
