Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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