I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
