That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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