im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
