This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
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6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
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I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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