is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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