..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
