no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize