i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
