Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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