Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
