you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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