like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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