shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
