i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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