You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
